Boris Johnston is now Britain’s most senior diplomat
Yes, he will be in charge of representing Britain on the world stage, as if this country wasn’t enough of a laughing stock already. You would think that after the events of the last few weeks we would have lost our ability to be in anyway surprised at the actions of our politicians but they are still finding new ways to shock us.
Before Johnson even begins his new job as foreign secretary, he will have to make some contrite phone calls to apologise to various people and countries he has offended. President Barack Obama is ‘front of the queue’ apparently.
After that calls to Vladimir Putin (looks like Dobby the house-elf) and Papua new Guinea (cannibals and chief-killers) he’ll have to start on Europe’s leaders. At least he will be able to speak to many of them in their own language with multi-lingualism being about his only qualification for the job.
It’s another situation where it would be funny if it weren’t so serious. He’ll be in charge of keeping the peace and speaking to world leaders. At least there was only so much damage he could do as mayor of London. This role has unlimited potential for disaster and needs an infinite amount of tact. Something Boris has proven time and time again he doesn’t have. Calling the wrong people piccaninnies in this job could have dangerous consequences.
As he is well known for causing offence, it will suggest to representatives of other countries that the role is not being taken seriously. At at time when Britain is renegotiating its place in the world after the Brexit vote it is more important than ever to have the right person in the job.
Labour leadership contender Angela Eagle was in the midst of giving a speech and her reaction of disbelief at Johnson’s appointment spoke for a whole nation. Even superstar Cher was moved to wade in calling Johnson a f***ing idiot but there is no word yet of how actress Lindsay Lohan is taking the news.
This handy map has been designed to show where Johnson has already offended, perhaps it could be printed off and coloured in as he makes his way round the world.
The role of home secretary went to Amber Rudd who impressed many with her performance at the Brexit debate at Wembley. During said debate there was no love lost between her and party colleague Johnson who she said she wouldn’t trust to drive her home after a night out. She will be in charge of policing and immigration as part of her remit. Theresa May giving Miss Rudd her old role is a show is faith in her.
The new prime minister also had a brand new role available in her cabinet, that of minister for Brexit. This unenviable role will see David Davis navigate the choppy waters of getting the UK out of the EU. A Brexit campaigner who, ironically enough, held the position of Secretary of State for Europe under John Major.
Mrs May has made it clear that ‘Brexit means Brexit’, although no one seems quite sure what Brexit means, and one of Davis’ first acts was to announce he wanted article 50, and the process of getting Britain out of the EU, to be triggered by the end of the year.
Oh, and if all this wasn’t bad enough apparently Mrs May is allergic to cats, spare a thought for poor Larry.
Now read – Where are the leaders